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Archive for the Humour Category
Lose weight
03/12/2008 by info.
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads ‘Lose weight. Only £10 a stone. Call 0800 555 0238’ and decides to make
the call.
The operator asks, ‘How much weight do you want to lose?’
‘A stone’, he replies.
‘We’ll have a representative over in he morning’, says the operator.
About nine the next morning, there’s knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely
naked except for a sign around her neck reading ‘If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me’.
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost a stone!
That night he calls the number again and says, ‘I want to lose two stone’.
‘We’ll send someone over.’
The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her
neck that reads ‘If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me’. The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he
finds he’s lost two stone!
That night he calls and says, ‘I want to lose five stone!’
‘Five stone?’ the operator asks. ‘That’s an awful lot.’
The man replies, ‘Listen, just take care of it!’
About 7am the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around
its neck that reads ‘If I catch you …’
Posted in Humour | Print | No Comments »
Job ad
20/11/2008 by info.
A young biker goes to the Job Centre in Northampton., and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he wants to learn more. “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the job centre assistant.
The assistant pulls up a job description and says, “The job entails getting ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off any hair, then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynaecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of £18 thousand, but you’re going to have to go to Carlisle. That’s about 250 miles from here.”
“Oh, is that where the job is?” the young biker asks.
“No mate, said the assistant - that’s where the end of the line is right now.”
Posted in Humour | Print | No Comments »